San Jose State University How to Win Friends & Influence People by Carnegie Essay

Look at Principle at the end of Chapter ( in the chapter’s summary)

In 400-500 words, write how you would sincerely show interest in any three of the following:

a) a relative you have not seen in many years

b) a HR professional you would like to impress (without seeming obsequious)

c) a classmate who you would like to work with on a group project

d) a person you would like to be friends with (but not a romantic partner)

e) a person you might like to consider dating.

Following are the chapter’s summary so you don’t have to find the book.

Chapter 1 : Six Ways to Make People Like You (Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere) | Summary

To make friends, show interest in other people rather than try to impress them or make them interested in you. People are “interested in themselves—morning, noon and after dinner.”

Showing interest in and “concern for the seemingly unimportant people” can lead to greater popularity, unexpected benefits, and new opportunities. In addition, showing interest in customers can strengthen their “loyalty to your company.”

Making friends takes effort, including doing “things for other people—things that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness.”

“Greet people with animation and enthusiasm” to set a positive tone for conversation.

Kindness can have a profound, lifelong effect on people.

Principle: “Become genuinely interested in other people.”

Chapter 2 : Six Ways to Make People Like You (A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression) | Summary

• You may spend a lot of money on clothes and jewels, but a sour face ruins the effect: “The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes … on one’s back.”
• People are glad to see you when you show you are glad to see them. A sincere smile “comes from within” and warms the heart.
• A smile also “comes through in your voice,” so smile when speaking on the telephone, even if the other person can’t see.
• “People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it,” and initially engaging jobs or projects can fail if they become boring and joyless.
• Trying to transform a grumpy attitude by practicing smiling at people can increase your happiness and improve friendships quickly and surprisingly. “Force yourself to smile,” and if needed “act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there.”
• Happiness is achieved “by controlling your thoughts,” since happiness can come only from within. Attitude determines the level of happiness. To improve your attitude, “picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be” so you can become that person.
• Smile even at the grumpiest people, “for nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!”
• Principle: Smile.

Chapter 3 : Six Ways to Make People Like You (If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble) | Summary

Remembering a person’s name and a few details about their personal life is “a subtle and very effective compliment” to them.

People place an “astounding importance … on their own name.” Companies are named after their founders and museum collections are named after rich benefactors as a way to perpetuate their names.

Even in large, relatively impersonal corporations, knowing employees’ names can warm the work atmosphere.

The main reason people don’t remember names is because they don’t make the effort to do so. Carnegie notes that Franklin D. Roosevelt even learned the names of mechanics who visited the White House—and if a President could find time to learn a person’s name, anyone can.

Some techniques for remembering names are repeating the name, asking for the spelling, writing it down, and concentrating on the information or studying it.

Principle: “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”

Chapter 4 : Six Ways to Make People Like You (An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist) | Summary

• In conversation, what many people really want is “an interested listener” with whom to share their own stories, experiences, and opinions.
• Give your conversation partner “the implied flattery of rapt attention” along with praise, but be truthful in your statements.
• Use body language to show you are listening actively: for example, face the speaker and maintain eye contact.
• Let customers have their full say. Don’t “interrupt … contradict them, irritate them.” Even the most aggressive, unpleasant complainer “will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener.” Sometimes what these people want is simply a “feeling of importance.” Thank customers for their input and try to see things from their point of view.
• Listen intently at home, too. When “you stop whatever you are doing and listen” to your children or spouse, you are demonstrating your love for them and their importance to you.
• People may not be looking for advice when they have a problem. Sometimes they just need to vent or work through thoughts on their own by verbalizing them to a willing listener.
• Principle: “Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.”

Chapter 5 : Six Ways to Make People Like You (How to Interest People) | Summary

• Carnegie relates how, before meeting someone new, Theodore Roosevelt would study that person’s interests to connect with them in conversation. Why? Because the way to “a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.”
• Begin by talking about what interests the other person to break the ice and establish rapport. Getting someone “warmed up first” before presenting a question, problem, or proposition can often lead to better results.
• Principle: “Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.”

Part 2, Chapter 6 : Six Ways to Make People Like You (How to Make People Like You Instantly) | Summary

• To connect with people,
• find something you can “honestly admire” about them. “Radiate a little happiness” not because you want something from the other person but simply as an unselfish act of appreciation.
• Making people feel important is a key interaction that “will bring … countless friends and constant happiness.” The urge to feel important “has been responsible for civilization itself.”
• The Golden Rule (“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”) applies to conversation: “Give unto others what we would have others give unto us,” including devoted attention, sincere interest and praise, and a feeling of importance.
• Polite phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,” and “Would you mind?” go a long way in conversation. Don’t neglect the niceties, for they “oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life.”
• Consider and appreciate what you can learn from others. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way.”
• Honest admiration of another person (or their prize possessions, hobbies, pets, or whatever) gives them the recognition they crave—and rarely receive. It can also help smooth business deals by breaking the ice or finding common interests.
• Principle: “Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.”