Florida Gulf Coast University Arranged Marriage Discussion and Replies

For the following set of questions please attempt to use anthropological terms/definitions from the text, or outside scholarly sources. Your response should be at least 500 words. Include your word count in bold. Respond to two other people (at least 100 words)

1. What is an arranged marriage and what are some misconceptions?
2. What are your top 3 attributes that you would hypothetically look for in a long-term partner?
3. Hypothetically, would you be open to an arranged marriage? Why or why not?
4. How is an arranged marriage different or similar to dating apps/websites that employ algorithms to match up potential mates?
5. Pose (an anthropologically appropriate) question to the class regarding: dating, partnership, marriage etc.

The two discussion posts to respond to/give feedback to are below:

1.An arranged marriage is a marriage that is planned and agreed upon by someone other than the couple, normally the parents or in some cultures a matchmaker, with little or no say from the couple themselves. According to the textbook, in an arranged marriage “parents will generally seek a match for their son or daughter from the same (or a higher) community, socio-economic class, and/or religion.” There are many misconceptions about arranged marriages. From my own personal experience, I know that there are quite a few people in North America who see arranged marriages as two people being forced to get married, or they see arranged marriages as only being made for political and societal purposes. When I did more research in misconceptions surrounding arranged marriages, I found that there are also people who believe that all arranged marriages are forced marriages or they believe that arranged marriages and child marriages are the same.

The top three attributes I would look for in a long-term partner are intelligence, honesty, and confidence. I would look for someone with intelligence because I like being able to have cultured and educated conversations with others. When I can openly talk about other cultures, ideas, and theories with someone, without having to continuously stop and explain what I’m saying to them, it’s extremely relaxing and enjoyable. Honesty is incredibly important to me because if whoever I’m with lies a lot, I would never be able to trust them and I would always doubt if what they were saying to me was or wasn’t true. And confidence is also important for me because if whoever I’m with is insecure in themselves to the point where they could never trust me, it would be a problem. If they were never able to trust me, or what I said, then it would quickly become annoying and upsetting that they couldn’t put aside their problems and trust me. Yes, I would be open to an arranged marriage. Since my family has always been fond of travel, I was able to encounter and meet many different cultures and ideas at a young age. I had quite a few friends who grew up with the idea of arranged marriage and some adult friends who had an arranged marriage and were very happy. Even now I know a lot of people who have had arranged marriages and are very happy. I know that my parents have extremely high expectations for anyone who would marry me or my sister, so I would trust them to pick a good person if they decided to give my sister and I an arranged marriage.An arranged marriage is similar to the algorithms that dating apps and websites use because many dating apps/websites use common words, phrases, and interests to match up two people. These can be anything from both people having a note that they like cats, to both saying they’re looking for someone who is between 20 and 30 years old. In a similar manner, an arranged marriage looks at the compatibility of two people and whether they would be a good match based on their attributes, personalities, and cultures.

2. Arranged marriage is when parents will generally seek a match for their son or daughter from the same (or a higher) community, socio-economic class, and/or religion (Muckle and González 2016). A misconception of arranged marriage is that in cultures that people do not practice it, they believe that individuals do not see each other until the wedding. In Western countries, such as the United States of America (U.S.), people may perceive arranged marriage in disbelief and strangeness and ask how one can marry before meeting their spouse. However, this is not the case all the time. Arranged marriage is a traditional practice in India, but it has changed over the years—since the mid-twentieth century—due to Westernization (Shanmugasundaram 2000). Currently, girls and boys are more involved with the process of choosing their future spouse and are even given a choice whether they want to marry the individual. This pertains to another misconception which is that arranged marriage is forced upon young people by parents. Forced marriage, in which the young individual has no say, and child marriage, in which parents marry young girls to older men, are different from an arranged marriage. Most arranged marriages are not strictly arranged anymore, most parents would not arrange their girl or boy without considering their needs being met (Muckle and González 2016).

My top three attributes that I would hypothetically look for in a long-term partner is someone kind, similar—meaning by personality and future goals—and financially stable. In the U.S. when it comes to dating, people may have a long list of expectations or qualities they look for in a partner. On the other hand, in societies where arranged marriages occur, there are no expectations, just trust in their parents and the mutual agreement to marriage (Shanmugasundaram 2000).

After learning more about the topic of arranged marriages—including how involved the boy and girl are in the process—I think I am more open to it. However, due to cultural difference, since the U.S. is not accustomed to arranged marriages to occur, I am not sure I will be comfortable with my parents choosing a spouse for me. My views and my family’s do not coincide, and even though I love my parents, I would not completely trust their decision. American culture encourages independence training; thus, adults are encouraged to find their mate that will meet their expectations on their own. Therefore, I would rather choose someone myself and date them to see how compatible we are together, then eventually consider marriage with them if all goes well.

Dating websites and apps—such as Tinder, eHarmony, and OkCupid—are used worldwide to find potential matches. The algorithm of an arranged marriage is like dating sites, there might be a matchmaker who after the exchanging of photos and background information, a match is identified. However, girls in Mumbai, India now may use online matrimonial sites to meet prospective partners for marriage. (Muckle and González 2016). In different countries—such as Western countries—dating websites and apps are used to interact and eventually meet with prospective matches. Although individuals are not always looking for someone to marry—like the result for the process above—after matching with someone, they first want to build a relationship by dating and getting comfortable with each other. People that utilize dating websites or apps may be seeking a romantic, personal, or even a short-term sexual relationship.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau (2020), U.S. marriage and divorce rates have both decreased in the last ten years. My question for the class is: Why has marriage and divorce rates decreased over these recent years?